Stranger Things and Childhood Memories

Working out the puzzle of creating lasting childhood memories 

As a mom who not only runs a small business, but also has a full time (okay, more than full time) day job, it can be an uphill battle to make sure I'm spending enough quality time with Ben. Not just movies and meals (though those things are fun and important too), but really creating some good childhood memories for him. 

I was talking with my Dad about this the other day, and it seems to me that the childhood memories that really stand out for me, the good ones anyway, are the things that were out of the ordinary. The strange but harmless situations in childhood that seemed so special that they've always held a place in my heart and in my mind. 

Like the times my Mom and I drove cross-country to the Teton mountains each summer for a retreat and stopped at every roadside attraction along the way. Or the time my Dad and Stepmom decided on a whim to take my Stepbrother and I for a walk to the park, at midnight, in the rain, in downtown Dayton, OH, and let us play in the mud and on the park for 30 minutes or so and then walked us back home. Or holding a 'seance' with pre-teen friends at a sleepover with a ouija board  and some candles after watching 'Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II', a most ridiculous horror movie. Or the time Dad spent a spring break with me in my senior year driving around to different historical sites and museums in Ohio and reading (re-reading for him) and comparing notes on The Frontiersman. 

Sure, you remember the really bad stuff, and the normal nice stuff is there too (like hugs and lunches and such), but some of my absolutely favorite childhood memories are special things like that, and I want to give Ben those types of memories too, so this past Saturday, on a whim, I took him to House on the Rock (which was also my first time visiting even though I've lived in Madison 11 years now). I took him to a special place for lunch, and then we went and explored the House on the Rock attraction (the whole 9 yards, all of the exhibits, the gardens, etc.) It was weird as hell. If you haven't been there, and you live in Wisconsin, you should check it out, if for no other reason than to experience the weirdness.

Strange things make for strong memories, and I think Ben is going to remember touring this weird place with me when he's older. Maybe he'll think of it fondly, the way I think of visiting weird or unique places with my parents. I hope I can help him create some lasting memories, the kind you speak of with happiness (and not in a therapy session, though I'm sure he'll have some of those too because being a parent doesn't come with a manual and we're all screwing it up sometimes). 

What sorts of memories do you really want to make with your kids? Are there any special locations or experiences you really want them to have? Books you really want them to read? Music you'd love for them to listen to? Go out and make it happen, one experience at a time, and I'm going to try and do the same. 

--Sam 

I'm So Tired...

...I haven't slept a wink

I used to listen to the Beatles' song "I'm so tired" on repeat when I was up with Ben (3-7 times a night) for the first two years of his life. It was oddly comforting. 

I go through periods in my life where I experience fairly extreme fatigue. In fact, I don't think I've felt "well-rested" since before Y2K. Now is one of those periods. I've been so exhausted lately, it's hard to keep my eyes open even while I'm walking, and it takes real effort not to fall asleep in the middle of conversations. Hence why I missed a blog post last week, and have been MIA on Instagram.

Being this tired has me musing about how it can be so easy, particularly on Social Media, to pretend like life is really glamorous, and that we're all really successful and happy and awesome all of the time. Well, I just want to be honest with you all and say that, just like every other human on the planet, life is not always easy or glamorous in my experience. It's hard, messy, complicated, weird, beautiful, fierce, and delicate, all at once, and I don't always feel successful or happy even. It's a white-flag-waving kind of week (or month or whatever), the kind that makes you say "Enough! Enough!" and maybe cry a little (and maybe eat too much chocolate, I dunno, you do you), and so it's time to just be real. 

So, with that in mind, here I am. Life is not glamorous or easy, and I'm not feeling particularly successful right in this moment. I'm breaking out, I'm exhausted, my health is not amazing at the present time, and I feel vulnerable and on edge. 

Life isn't a perfect 280 characters on Twitter, it's not an amazingly curated snapshot on Instagram, it's not a well-liked post on Facebook; It just is what it is, and the best thing, I think, we can do for one another, besides the basics like being kind, not murdering people, and disavowing racists and nazis, is to be honest when things are hard instead of always feeling the need to pretend they're perfect. They're not perfect. I'm letting you off the hook, blog readers. My life isn't perfect, yours isn't either, and it's totally okay to be honest about that.  

Go forth, my friends, and let someone else off the hook today by being real, and imperfect. I bet they need it. 

--Sam 

5 Wedding Budget Tips for Couples

Focus on what is important to the two of you!

Wedding budgets - kind of icky to think about, right? It wasn't my favorite part of the process either, so we wanted to provide some tips to couples looking for ways to reduce costs and focus on what's important about their wedding day; the celebration of their marriage! 

Tip # 1: Pick your top 3 budget items

This is going to look different for every couple, but working with your partner to identify your top 3 budget items will go a long way to helping you prioritize where to spend and where to save during the planning process! For Adam and I, our top 3 were photography (duh), food/drinks, and hotel rooms for our immediate family. For others, it could be venue, wedding planner, and food/drinks, or photography, venue, and flowers. Once you pick your top 3, those can be  your guiding points in decision-making during the planning process, and will help things go a lot more smoothly! 

Tip # 2: Wedding Flowers

If flowers wasn't in your top 3 (see Tip # 1), then this is a great area to save money in. Most cities in the US have farmer's markets where you could pick up flowers the day of, or, if that sounds too risky to you, you could work with a local flower farmer (yes, that's totally a thing) to get a few buckets of flowers that you can arrange yourself, and they can look to meet your color/style preferences where possible. In Madison, Mad Lizzie's Flower Farm is a great place to check out! Depending on the size of your wedding, your flower budget could look a little more like $250 than $2500, depending on the size of your wedding, and if exquisite and specific flowers aren't in your top 3, this is a great way to save while still getting beautiful, fresh flowers. Plus, you're buying local! 

Tip # 3: Wedding Bands and DJs

Again, if this is killer for you, and you want your guests on the dance floor all night, then do it up! We can recommend some great people! But let's say you're not super into dancing, and want a more quiet and intimate reception evening with your guests. If that's the case, don't feel like you need to have a wedding band or DJ just because it's what you usually see. You do you, and if 'you' involves an iPod (do they still make those?) and a playlist you and your person made together, well then that's freaking fantastic, and can save you some cash. :) If you want an intermediate solution, ask a friend to emcee the evening (announcing dinner, first dances, etc.) and then you've got the best of both worlds! 

Tip # 4: Dinner 

Here's a good tip, because even if great food is a super big priority for you and your partner, don't feel like you have to break the bank to provide it! As a person who has eaten a lot of wedding food, let me assure you that more expensive does not necessarily equal better tasting. Sometimes the opposite. You know what people love? Tacos. Pizza. BBQ. You know what's cheaper to provide than fancy plated meals that don't taste that good? Tacos. Pizza. BBQ. If you're in Madison, think of all the great places you could go with! Tex Tubb's Taco Palace has an amazing catering buffet that works for meat eaters, vegans, vegetarians, and those who are gluten sensitive, all without doing anything special! Ian's Pizza is iconic Madison food, and delivers! Smoky Jon's caters (although make sure to have a vegetarian or vegan option if needed)! There are tons of wonderful, local restaurants you can use that will provide fantastic food, at a fraction of the normal 'wedding plated meal' cost. Check them out! 

Tip # 5: Venue

This tip might be more geared towards weddings under 50-60 guests, but is still valid. Wedding venues are expensive, and if you're not attached to a particular venue, then you can get a little creative with where your wedding will take place. Your friend's backyard? Sure! A small local art gallery? Why not! At a State Park? Sign me up! Take into careful consideration whether your off-the-beaten-path venue can comfortably support the number of guests you'd like to invite, but otherwise, go nuts! 

In the end...

The two of you get to decide what's important to you. Figure out what's at the top of your list for your wedding day, and remember that your guests are going to remember celebrating with  you more than they're going to remember anything else, so try not to stress out too much, and just know you don't have to sell your first born in order to have a beautiful and fun wedding day! 

--Sam 

Sarah + Mabel: A Northside Engagement Session

Sunsets, puppies, and tetris.... oh my! 

These two super sweet ladies were a blast to hang out with (and to photograph)! They met six and a half years ago, when they were set up/introduced by a mutual friend, and have been together ever since. While we were taking their engagement portraits, I got to hear about one of their first dates, where they made moussaka (a kind of Greek lasagna) together, and how they decided to become vegetarian at the same time about 5 years ago. I got to hear about how Mabel loves Tetris, and how they named their new ‘puppy’ Leo, after a blind mathematician, because he’s also blind (and a super sweet 9 year old ‘puppy’ at heart!). We took some photos with Leo (the newest member of the household) and then headed over to Governor Nelson State Park to take advantage of the seriously gorgeous weather. They were so fun to hang out with, and not only am I glad I got to know them a bit better, but I’m so excited we’re photographing their wedding next year!

--Sam

Guest Post: Carla + Dylan on Self-Officiating Their Wedding

From Carla + Dylan: 

When we started planning our wedding we had a few priorities, the most important being that we were not going to have anything there we didn’t find meaningful or fun. Our idea of a wedding was the two of us entering together on equal footing to declare a shared decision to spend the rest of our lives together in marriage. We wanted our wedding to be a reflection of us.

We did not start out thinking we were going to self-officiate our wedding. There was someone we had in mind, but life happened, as life often does, and plans change. We found ourselves in need of an officiant.

We’re not sure where we first came across the idea of self-officiating. Carla was following numerous blogs during the planning process, and the most likely contender is Offbeat Bride. Something about self-officiating resonated with us. We were marrying each other, why should we need someone to marry us? In this very personal matter, whose words could be more binding than our own?

There was a fairly brief discussion and we decided it felt right. We were doing this.

Then came the hard part: figuring out how to have a wedding without an officiant. We were already planning on writing our own ceremony. There’s a lot of information out there on that, with the rise in popularity of having friends or family officiate. We just hadn’t planned on writing a ceremony on hard mode.

As people often do these days we turned to the internet. There is a shocking dearth of information about how to self-officiate your own wedding! Hours of strategic Google Fu yielded next to nothing and led back to the same few blog articles and forums we’d already poured over. What we wanted was detailed information from another couple who had successfully done it. What we found was the same repeated legalities.

We even tried messaging people from online wedding planning forums who had asked about self-officiating and who hadn’t received any good answers. A few replied, but those that responded didn’t have any information we hadn’t already found and none of them had gone through with their wedding yet. It was… frustrating.

With the help of A Practical Wedding’s guide to writing your own ceremony, we sat down one sunny morning on our deck and wrote our script. Their guide laid out very nicely the different parts of a “typical” ceremony. We took the parts, scrapped almost everything we knew or had seen before, and created the wedding we wanted. The words were all us, our voices coming through in the writing. We managed to narrow down our readings and we divided up the script between the two of us, turning it into a little bit more of a conversation than a proclamation. We rehearsed the script a couple times together and it felt so right.

We’re happy to share the script with any other couples out there interested in self-officiating! (And have done so already with a few online searchers who, like ourselves, reached out on forums to find more information.)

It should be noted here that neither of us are shy people. We both loved doing theater in high school and have no problem with an entire room full of people listening to us speak at great length. (Just ask anyone who has ever heard Dylan hold court when telling stories.) This approach to self-officiating may not resonate with those who hate public speaking, but there are other ways to do it. Some couples have an emcee to guide the ceremony while they speak what they deem the important words only.

The only words spoken by others in our ceremony were a reminder before the procession that The Happy Couple would be sad if they saw any phones or cameras, five readings (yes, that was after we narrowed down - when you write your own ceremony there’s no one to tell you that you put in too many readings, not that we feel we did of course), and brief responses from our parents.

We could gush over our script all day, but here’s a few highlights:

• Asking each other’s parents for their joyful support of our marriage.

• Asking each other to take one another as spouses.

• Pronouncing ourselves as husband and wife.

• The closing line (which Carla is particularly proud of): “We’re going to kiss now.” You have to picture her saying that just before we tossed our ceremony scripts over our shoulders and went in for a kiss. (Note from Rob + Sam: This was epic, check out the link to their wedding pictures below!) 

Logistically speaking, we got married at Blue Mound State Park’s amphitheater. We brought in our own sound equipment and had two microphones set up next to each other on the stage, one for each of us to use. After those standing with us made their way in we walked up together and took the stage. Entering together, on equal footing, to declare to our friends and family we had made this decision.

Self-officiating is not that common around here and we don’t personally know anyone else who has done it. What we were prepared for, but didn’t happen, was a lot of questions from our family and friends. We didn’t build an explanation about self-officiating into the ceremony as we had read about some couples doing, and we didn’t have programs to talk about it either. There was simply a sign upon entering which listed everyone who would be appearing in the ceremony. It listed Carla and Dylan as “Officiants”. We did field a few questions in the planning process, but most of our friends and family are pretty open-minded and no one really questioned our decision.

What others have told us about their impression of and experience at our wedding aligns exactly with our goal: it was the most “us” it possibly could have been. Everything there reflected who we are in some way and looking back it’s really hard to say we would have done anything differently. No regrets, especially about self-officiating. We can’t help but smile when we look at the pictures and remember it all. It was perfect.

From Rob + Sam: 

Carla + Dylan's wedding was a joy to photograph! If you'd like to see our favorites of their wedding photos (and we strongly encourage you to check them out!) click here. 

If you're thinking of self-officiating, make sure to check with your local registrar of deeds in the county you're getting married for any legal requirements you'll need to comply with. This post is not intended to give legal advice. 

Lastly, if you have any weddings that you've seen of ours where you'd love to hear the couple's perspective, email us at robandsamphoto@gmail.com to let us know which ones! We'd love to have more guest posts and would love your input on which ones you want to see! 

Carla + Dylan: An Outdoor Amphitheater wedding

A DIY WIsconsin wedding at blue mounds state park

Carla + Dylan had exactly the kind of wedding they wanted, organized by themselves (they're whizzes at spreadsheets and planning!) and some very helpful friends. They were married in the outdoor amphitheater at Blue Mounds State Park, with the reception to follow at Brigham Park. 

One of the most unique aspects of Carla + Dylan's wedding (besides that the fact that the bride handmade her dress, and she and her friends and family hand crocheted the bouquets and boutonnieres for herself, Dylan, and their wedding party pals) is that they self-officiated. Yep, you heard that right, they not only married each other (yay!) but they married each other, which was really cool, and something Rob and I had never seen before! 

These two, both former theater kids, weren't shy in front of the camera, and we had a great time following them around for the day, as they danced, laughed, joked, and kissed their way through their wedding day. 

Carla + Dylan have written a guest blog post about their experience and decision to self-officiate, which you can check out here!

--Sam 

Bad feelings are a feature, not a bug

Why positive thinking isn't always helpful or necessary

Anyone else get annoyed when someone tells you to "cheer up" when you're feeling down, or going through a rough time? 

Stop me if you've heard these ones before (or said them, we're not judging here): 

• "There's always a silver lining"
• "Everything happens for a reason"
• "It could always be worse"
• "Snap out of it" 
• "You'd feel better if you just exercised/meditated/did yoga/ate better/prayed/etc."

It can be frustrating to hear these things even if some of them may be kind of true, because it feels like the person saying them is minimizing whatever it is you're feeling. Whether that's grief, sadness, anxiety, illness, you name it. When the folks you love (or random people who talk to you at Target) tell you some version of "Think positively!" it can be hard not to roll your eyes or maybe cry a little because all you want is for someone to really get what you're going through, or at least give you the space you need to feel the f*ck out of your feelings. 

'Bad' feelings, like anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, etc. are all totally normal feelings, that serve an important purpose for human beings moving about in the world. One of the many important functions these feelings serve is as a contrast to what we think of as pleasant feelings like love, happiness, joy, and so on. You don't know how wonderful joy can be if you've never experienced sorrow. Negative feelings also allow us an important opportunity (should we choose to accept it) to really process what's going on in our heads and hearts, and work through some shit. Lord knows we all have some to work through. These feelings are a part of the human condition, not a hindrance to it. Stuffing those feelings down and pretending they don't exist, or someone asking you to do that, is not only unnecessary, but also unhelpful in the long run, and liable to backfire. 

So that's good news, but it's also a mixed bag (see me not putting a 100% positive spin on this?). It's a mixed bag because you can let yourself off the hook from basically just needing to pretend you're fine all the time (spoiler alert: you're not), but now what the heck are you supposed to do? You've been told since forever that to feel better, you needed to think positively, and eventually you'd be happier (magically, like you're a wizard). Sometimes it might have even worked. But if you know deep down it mostly doesn't work, and you're trying to be better about acknowledging and respecting your own feelings and working through them, now what are you supposed to do to feel better when you're having a tough time? 

Try gratitude and gentleness (with yourself). 

You know what's cool about being grateful? Gratitude doesn't require that you pretend everything is super great to be able to appreciate it. And no, you don't have to 'be grateful' for things like cancer (which should be a given but some people take even gratitude a bit too far), but you can choose small things to be grateful for, even on some pretty tough days. Sometimes it's just coffee. And sometimes it's that you have a roof over your head and a family who loves you. Sometimes it's how your dog always lets you snuggle with him and call him names other than his actual name. Could be anything. Start with just one thing, then see how many other things you can be grateful for. The nice thing about this approach is that there is no reason that bad feelings and gratitude can't co-exist! You can work through your not-so-great feels in your own time, while you give yourself the leeway to feel good about something. Something big, something small, doesn't matter. Gratitude helps to ground us when the bad seems to outweigh the good. While you're doing all that, be gentle with yourself, even when other people may not understand. Seek out those who are supportive of you and what you're going through.

And most importantly, don't let other people consciously or unconsciously bully you out of your feelings when they preach a 'positive thoughts only' approach. Negative feelings are part of the human experience as well (which is not always easy), and they're a feature, not a bug. 

--Sam

Photography 101: 4 Tips to Get You Started

So you want to get into photography, but aren't sure where to start... 

We've been there, believe me! It can be intimidating to love something a ton, but not be 100% sure (or even 50% sure) how to get started! We've put together some tips for beginners that will give you a great jumping off point! 

Tip # 1: Getting Started with Equipment 

Our philosophy on photography equipment for beginners is largely that you should focus on practicing with what you have, rather than falling into the trap of thinking better equipment will automatically make you a better photographer (spoiler alert: it won't). That being said, there are some things to think about when it comes to what equipment you might need, and some questions to ask yourself. 

Are you a Nikon or a Canon person? 

Not sure? That's okay! They're both wonderful! We happen to use Canon, so this post will largely feature Canon recommendations, but both have great starter options! B&H Photo, Amazon, and Best Buy all have periodic sales and specials to look out for when it comes to getting started with a DSLR (Digital Single-Lens Reflex) camera! B&H Photo is also a reputable source for used camera equipment, including DSLRs. 

Starter DSLRs for Canon Users: The Canon SL3 / EOS 250D / EOS 200D and up

Starter DLSRs for Nikon Users: The Nikon D3500 and up

Will you be photographing people, landscapes, or close-up macros (flowers, bugs, tiny things, etc.) or a mix of things? 

The answer to this question will determine which type of lens could be right for you. 

For People and Portrait Photography: A 50mm 1.8f lens is a GREAT portrait lens, does well in lower light, and is an affordable prime lens (prime lenses do not zoom, except the old-fashioned way, which involves you moving closer or further away from your subject).

For Landscape Photography: A wide angle lens is going to work best, generally anything 24mm or wider, with a 2.8f or lower capability.

For Macro/Close-Up Photography: A 60mm or 65mm 2.8f macro lens is a great introduction to macro/close-up photography! I would definitely recommend going used on this one, from a reputable source, such as B&H Photo, and if you're purchasing the Canon 60mm 2.8f macro lens, please note that this lens is only compatible with Canon's crop-sensor camera bodies, and is not compatible with full-frame canon cameras (such as the 1D, 5D, or 6D). 

For Mixed-Use Photography: Just can't decide between what type of photography you like? Something like a prime lens 35mm or a zoom lens that can maintain a consistent fstop (aperture) throughout the zoom are great 'all-around' options! We would generally recommend avoiding zoom lenses where the aperture changes depending on how far in or out you are zoomed. 

Will you be primarily photographing indoors or outdoors? 

This will determine if you might need to invest in something like a simple speed-lite or can go without. If you're primarily photographing outdoors, don't worry about off-camera flash for now! If you're primarily photographing indoors, a small speed-lite flash that you can use to bounce flash off of ceilings, and maybe a diffuser could be a good investment. Godox is a great brand for speedlites and the batteries are rechargeable lithium ion batters!

What is your equipment budget? 

If you're a beginner, it may be on the smaller side, and that's okay. What that means is you'll want the best lens for your intended use that fits within your budget. We do not recommend going into debt for your photography equipment. A great way to save is to purchase used equipment from reputable sources. It's a win/win! You can potentially afford "nicer" gear for less money by buying used. A great source for used equipment is the used section at B&H Photo! Check it out here. 

Once you know the answers to these questions, you'll be well on your way to determining what gear you need to get started, and how to budget accordingly. Just remember, just like buying a guitar doesn't make you a great musician, buying all the great gear in the world doesn't make you a photographer if you don't put in the hours and work necessary to hone your craft. There are no shortcuts with art, just passion. 

Tip # 2: Getting Started with Editing

Hey, we get it, editing software is not cheap, and a lot of it, even the professional stuff, isn't all that user-friendly. But editing is a great way to really make your images stand out, and to take your photography to the next level. Our first tip for editing greatness? Shoot in RAW! Then, if you can swing it, Adobe's Creative Cloud offers a subscription that includes Photoshop (not particularly user-friendly if I'm being honest) and Lightroom (freaking amazing, super biased) for under $11 a month. This is a great deal, but it is a subscription model, so if you aren't ready to commit to another monthly bill, then check out free RAW editing software, such as Darktable, which is a great, and free opensource alternative. Last editing-related tip; Try not to go too nuts on filters (But if you do, it's okay. We've all done it). 

Tip # 3: Getting Started with Community

Since we recently did a post on how to connect with other creatives (check it out here), I won't reinvent the wheel here, but suffice it to say that it's easier to stay engaged and enthusiastic about your craft if you've got a good creative community around you! Word of caution though, comparison is the thief of joy, so definitely do surround yourself with an awesome creative community and definitely don't do too much comparison, lest you accidentally discourage yourself. 

Tip # 4: Getting Started with PRACTICE! 

Okay, so, this isn't a sexy tip. I get it. I, too, want to be an awesome rock star without practicing. BUT... That's not how reality works. Or dreams, that's also not how dreams work. And the truth is that you don't get better at something without practicing, and as I mentioned above, having the best gear in the world doesn't mean anything at all if you're not using it. Having the best editing software in the world doesn't matter if you're not figuring out how to use it and experimenting with it, and having a love of photography without actually taking photos makes you a fan (which is also cool), not a photographer. If you want to be a photographer, go photograph stuff. Seriously, it's that simple. Photograph things every day. Find beauty in the overlooked. Figure out what you most love to take photos of, and take more of those kinds of photos. Figure out what scares  you to take photos of, and then take more of those kinds of photos. Take photos of EVERYTHING, and then take some more. You got this! 

Hopefully that gives you a good place to start! These tips are (obviously) not all-inclusive, but stay tuned because we are working on a 'leveling up' version of this post to talk through next steps once you've worked on the items above, and if there is anything at all that you'd love to see us write a future post about, please email us at robandsamphoto@gmail.com and let us know! 

--Sam 

Come In From The Cold

Do you ever feel like a tourist in your own life? 

And not in a fun "Oh isn't my life exciting?!" kind of way. More like a feeling of maybe not quite fitting in, or just being on the outside looking in. 

I have a particular affinity for a Joni Mitchell song called "Come in From the Cold", and of course the lyrics are amazing, because Joni Mitchell is a ridiculously talented artist, but also because a chorus proclaiming "All I ever wanted was just to come in from the cold..." really speaks to me in a way I can't quite put my finger on. 

This vague 'outside looking in' feeling persists in most situations, and has, for most of my life. Feeling like a guest instead of at ease when visiting family in states I no longer call home. Not feeling queer enough in LGBTQ spaces because I'm married to a man and so it isn't apparently obvious that I'm not straight. Feeling a little out of place in the leadership team at my 9-5 work because I don't have a college degree, don't own a single power suit, and am not particularly good at networking. Feeling like an outsider in creative circles because I get nervous around large groups of people, particularly people I feel are considerably more talented and successful than I am, and so have a hard time not just reverting to quiet observation instead of interaction.

I don't know what makes that feeling go away. I thought it would be achieving some measure of success, so I would feel "legitimate", but, unless I just haven't hit the right level of success yet, I don't think that's it. So, if it's not success that makes imposter syndrome go away, then how does one overcome that uncomfortable feeling of not belonging? Asking for a friend. (Just kidding, all my friends have their shit together way more than I do, or at least are very confident in not having their shit together). 

I wish I knew what the magic combination of success, confidence, talent, and stick-to-itiveness is that makes one feel like they have a definitive right to take up space in circles they would be otherwise welcome in, save for their own inhibitions and fears. Since I don't have that recipe yet, I'm just taking it one step at a time. I'm attending regular creative entrepreneur meetings, I'm having fun with our photography clients and continually learning better ways to serve them, I'm attending Pride parades and equality marches, I'm doing my best at my daytime work to not feel like a fraud, though I draw the line at purchasing un-ironic power suits. And what else can one do really, besides keep moving forward? 

What do you do that helps you when imposter syndrome comes on strong or when you feel like an outsider? If you do nothing else, just remember that you're not alone. 

--Sam 

Top 5 Recommended Portrait Locations in Madison, WI

When it comes to any kind of portraits, one of our most frequently asked questions (besides "What do we wear?!", which we cover here) is how to choose a portrait location. In no particular order, here are our top 5 recommendations for portrait locations in and around Madison, WI, with some helpful information about each choice. As always, if you have a spot that is special to you, that is a great choice for portraits! 

1. The UW Arboretum

The UW Arboretum is an amazing gift to the Madison area, and a wonderful place to have photos taken! The expanse of the property has many photo settings to offer, from wide open prairies, to evergreens, to densely wooded areas to lake views. This is one of our all-time favorite spots! We love it so much we pay for the annual photography pass so you don’t need to worry about any additional fees.

2. The Willy Street Neighborhood 

Just as the UW Arboretum offers a wide variety of natural settings, the Willy Street area offers a great variety of more eclectic urban settings, all within short walking distance, including loads of beautiful murals! If you're looking for something a little more offbeat and quirky, the Willy Street area probably has just the place for you! Just make sure you're not planning portraits on festival days! 

3. A Favorite Coffee shop, Restaurant, or Pub

Okay, so this recommendation is a little more personal, because the where is really up to you. Do you have a favorite hangout with your person? Same coffee shop every Saturday or same neighborhood dive bar every Friday? Why not work some of your personal story into your portraits and go to a cherished place for photos, and hey, it's always a great idea to have an inclement weather backup plan in Wiscosnin! 

4. Downtown Madison

It may be obvious from our choices that we like the option for variety! So if you want some variety, there isn't a better place to go than Downtown Madison. The options are practically limitless in the Downtown area; You've got the iconic Capital building, the hustle and bustle of State Street, the classic lake front views of the Memorial Union Terrace, the magic of the Allen Centennial Gardens, and after you're all done, why not get some ice cream from Babcock hall? Just bring your walking shoes!

5. Your Place 

Sure, why not? I know no one really likes cleaning their place before folks come over, but Lifestyle sessions are all the rage, and they're comfortable and meaningful. You don't have to leave your house, you get to hang out with your sweetie or your family and just chill and have fun! You can play board games, you can play Mario Kart, you can snuggle in bed, you can dance around your living room; Whatever you want to do! It's a great way to have more intimate portraits and save yourself some drive time. 

Hopefully this helps gives you some ideas for where you might have your next portrait session, and if you need more ideas, feel free to reach out to us! We love helping folks plan their photographic adventures! 

--Sam 

Some Days You Just Don't Have It

Like Today, For instance. 

Today I don't have it. To be honest, I didn't really have it yesterday either. I'm not 100% sure what it is, but likely, it's some combination of patience, energy to do things, and time to do them.

My celebration of Mother's Day was largely the receiving of the sweetest Mother's Day card known to mom-kind from my amazing kiddo, Ben, and then building a fort outside in the hammock using blankets and pillows and then snuggling in said fort for a ridiculously long portion of the day, shirking my responsibilities (like blog writing and laundry folding). I didn't have it that day either, and felt guilty about not doing much of anything, even though it was Mother's Day, and even though I finished editing a wedding for a wonderful couple!

The mother of a friend of Ben's messaged me the other day to apologize for missing Ben's birthday party. Her excuse? The had a house fire and are currently living in a hotel. A freaking house fire. And she's apologizing to me about missing Ben's birthday party. 

Women do this to themselves Every. Damn. Day. Every day, we feel guilty for not doing more, not being more, not having unlimited emotional and physical resources to give to our loved ones, our friends, or hell, even strangers. We exhaust ourselves with a laundry list of expectations (pun intended) and work ourselves practically to death, or at least to illness. Speaking of illness, we secretly don't mind getting sick because it's the only time we can rest at least a little guilt free (maybe). 

Recognizing this, I'd still be lying if I said I was going to stop. I'm probably not. And neither are you. But I can get a little more honest about it. Try to catch myself doing it a little more. Give myself a little more grace to have off days (yes days, plural). And I hope you will too. 

And I know this isn't the world's best blog post, but hey, some days you just don't have it. And that's okay. 

--Sam 

The Wedding Reception: How to Set Your Photographer Up for Success

You want amazing wedding reception photos, and your photographers want to provide them to you! 

Here are some ways you can help your photographer out, giving them the setup they need to wow you with reception photos! 

Tip # 1: Reserve Seats for Your Photographers

Reserving a seat for your photographers, preferably near the head table, gives them space to set down their heavy equipment, grab drinks of water, and eat a quick meal before the toasts, all within easy line of sight to the head table so that no important impromptu moments are missed! A special vendor table is fine, as long as it's still close to all the action! Even if you aren't assigning seats at your reception, we strongly recommend  you specifically reserve seats for your photographers. 

Tip # 2: Have Your Photographers Eat at the Same Time You Do

Let's face it, no one wants pictures of themselves eating. Having your photographers eat at the same time as you makes certain that there are no pictures of you eating (except at cake cutting time!) and that your photographers are done with their meals well before the toasts begin, so they can be ready to snap away. On that note, please know that every photographer I've ever talked with sure does appreciate the courtesy of a meal on a long work day (remember, there will be no other opportunities for your photographer to eat). It's also a good idea to check with your photographers to see if they have any special dietary needs (Vegetarian, Gluten-Free, etc.) so that they can actually eat the meal you're providing them with. They will absolutely appreciate the courtesy! 

Tip # 3: Follow the Light

Nearly all photographers prefer to shoot by natural light when possible, so if any part of your reception will be during daylight hours, you can take advantage by doing things like setting up the head table across from (not in front of) a window (so that you're well lit, not back-lit), setting up your dessert table in an area that has some pretty natural light, and making sure that all of your family and couples portraits are completed while there is still light to spare! 

Tip # 4: Don't Surprise Your Photographer

If you're, say, having Bucky Badger come and surprise your wedding guests, or having someone jump out of a giant cake, or any number of fun and awesome surprise wedding reception events, just make sure that your photographer is in the loop on what's happening, and when it's happening, so they can best position themselves to get great photos. 

Tip # 5: Designate a Go-To Person

This could be the Best Man, the Maid of Honor, the DJ, the Wedding Planner/Event Coordinator, or just some nice friend, but the person you designate as the go-to person for your photographers should be in know on reception timing and events, and be able to answer questions that arise, so that you can just sit back and relax, and your designated person can answer any questions that arise for your photographers on timing, events, etc. 

If you follow these tips, your photographer will thank you, and you'll also get more amazing photos because of it! 

--Sam