Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Awareness

Photo by the fabulous Krista @ Hove Photography!

Getting Used to a New Normal...

My son and I were recently diagnosed with a rare, incurable, and degenerative condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and I've found myself without much time to sit down and think about what I wanted to write to help bring awareness to this rare (or at least rarely diagnosed) genetic condition. 

First, let me start by saying that, broadly, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a group of inherited connective tissue disorders that impacts skin, joints, blood vessel walls, the digestive system, and basically most every other part of the body as well. The defining characteristic of all types of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a genetic defect in how our bodies produce and repair collagen. Which, before knowing what I know now, wouldn't have sounded like that big of a deal really, but it turns out, hearty collagen is super important to basically everything in your body.

Collagen is found everywhere in the body, and therefore, nearly every system of the body is impacted in some way. And because of the wide variety of systems that are impacted, no two people with EDS have exactly the same symptoms, making the syndrome incredibly hard to diagnose. The average amount of time for a person to be diagnosed with EDS from the time they first begin discussing the seemingly unrelated symptoms with their doctor(s) is twelve years. Let me repeat; TWELVE YEARS. I've been lucky in that way. While I've had many (many!) years of odd and uncomfortable symptoms, from the time my health started to nosedive a little more drastically to the time I was diagnosed was less than a year. So in that respect, I feel very fortunate. I certainly went through many years though where I was essentially told that there was nothing wrong with me, or that perhaps I was just tired because I was a mom (*insert giant eye roll cuz overt sexism*). Having a diagnosis now at least allows me to plan, as best I can, and it also allowed Ben to be diagnosed more quickly than he might otherwise have been because Ehlers-Danlos often has a dominant inheritance pattern (depending on the sub-type - more on that below).

There are currently 13 known sub-types of EDS. Ben and I have been diagnosed with the most common sub-type; EDS Hypermobility type (or hEDS). Common symptoms of this particular sub-type of EDS include extreme joint hypermobility (and here I thought being flexible was a good thing), chronic joint pain, chronic fatigue, frequent dislocations and partial dislocations, easy scarring, easy skin tearing, poor wound healing, digestive issues (I'll leave that broad, but it's rough), and a whole host of other things, including comorbidities such as Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome (which is super fun, let me tell you). 

Now for the bad news. This is a genetic condition. There is no cure (no seriously). Taking collagen supplements won't help because my body will always produce faulty collagen no matter how many good building blocks I give it. Eating a different diet might be good for me, but it won't cure EDS. Exercising, in some cases, can be downright harmful, so Ben and I have to be very careful how we get in physical activity, and really listen to our bodies. More bad news... This is a degenerative condition. While no two individuals with EDS have the same journey, it's not being negative or overly pessimistic to say that, over time, my health (and unfortunately Ben’s too) will continue to get worse. My best hope is to use the best practices currently available (physical therapy, occupational therapy, regular massage, regular low to no impact exercise, knowing my limitations with physical activity, etc.) to slow the decline as much as possible, and do what I can to maintain as good of a quality of life as I can, for as long as I can. I'm really working hard on it (which in and of itself is exhausting). 

I don't say any of this to get sympathy, and DEFINITELY don't mistake this for an invitation to give me suggestions on what herbs we should be taking (my treatment plan is something my doctors and I work hard on together, and I'm not inviting anyone else to the party), but I want to spread the word about this rare and often misunderstood condition, because the more I learn about EDS, the more I think it's not quite as rare as it seems, and it could be just that it's rarely diagnosed. Awareness is key to more research, and better outcomes for those of us living with EDS. 

If you'd like to learn more about EDS, here are some excellent resources: 

• Hands-down, THE best explanation of EDS I've found that's in plain language. This is something I've sent family and friends to help them get a better understanding of what EDS is and the impact that it has: https://slingsandarrowsofoutrageousfortune.wordpress.com/eds101/

• The Ehlers-Danlos Society, which provides a wealth of resources for both patients and their doctors and other providers: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/awareness-2018/

• The Facebook support group. Which I know sounds weird, but let me tell you, there are SOOOOO many weird things that happen to your body when you have EDS that it can be immensely helpful to talk with folks who really get what you're going through: https://www.facebook.com/groups/152615741473177/

If this is something you too are living with, just know that there are people out there going through the same thing. Find those people, because we help each other get through the really tough days. If a loved one of yours has EDS, do everything you can to educate yourself about this condition, so that you can be a loving support for them, and make sure you have someone to talk with as well!

And lastly, if you've made it to the end, thank you. This is a tough journey to be on, and the more awareness we can raise, the better. Please share, and get the word out, both in Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month, and any month of the year. 

--Sam 

Winter Mix Tape: 2017-2018 Edition

A little mix to get you through the winter...

1. Guided by Voices: Things I will Keep
2. Rogue Wave: Bird on a Wire
3. Joni Mitchell: Come in From the Cold
4. Jagwar Ma: Uncertainty
5. Stereo MC's: Connected
6. Wolf Parade: Shine a Light
7. Laura Veirs: Secret Someones
8. Iron & Wine: Cinder and Smoke
9. Sea Wolf: Whirlpool
10. Broken Social Scene: Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl
11. OK Go: I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe
12. Say Hi: November Was White, December Was Grey
13. Lord Huron: Meet Me in the Woods
14. The Black Keys: Everlasting Light
15. Wintersleep: Laser Beams
16. Pete Yorn: Strange Condition
17. The National: Anyone's Ghost
18. Fleet Foxes: White Winter Hymnal
19. Nada Surf: Icebox

Play Time: 1 hour, 17 minutes 

Stranger Things and Childhood Memories

Working out the puzzle of creating lasting childhood memories 

As a mom who not only runs a small business, but also has a full time (okay, more than full time) day job, it can be an uphill battle to make sure I'm spending enough quality time with Ben. Not just movies and meals (though those things are fun and important too), but really creating some good childhood memories for him. 

I was talking with my Dad about this the other day, and it seems to me that the childhood memories that really stand out for me, the good ones anyway, are the things that were out of the ordinary. The strange but harmless situations in childhood that seemed so special that they've always held a place in my heart and in my mind. 

Like the times my Mom and I drove cross-country to the Teton mountains each summer for a retreat and stopped at every roadside attraction along the way. Or the time my Dad and Stepmom decided on a whim to take my Stepbrother and I for a walk to the park, at midnight, in the rain, in downtown Dayton, OH, and let us play in the mud and on the park for 30 minutes or so and then walked us back home. Or holding a 'seance' with pre-teen friends at a sleepover with a ouija board  and some candles after watching 'Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II', a most ridiculous horror movie. Or the time Dad spent a spring break with me in my senior year driving around to different historical sites and museums in Ohio and reading (re-reading for him) and comparing notes on The Frontiersman. 

Sure, you remember the really bad stuff, and the normal nice stuff is there too (like hugs and lunches and such), but some of my absolutely favorite childhood memories are special things like that, and I want to give Ben those types of memories too, so this past Saturday, on a whim, I took him to House on the Rock (which was also my first time visiting even though I've lived in Madison 11 years now). I took him to a special place for lunch, and then we went and explored the House on the Rock attraction (the whole 9 yards, all of the exhibits, the gardens, etc.) It was weird as hell. If you haven't been there, and you live in Wisconsin, you should check it out, if for no other reason than to experience the weirdness.

Strange things make for strong memories, and I think Ben is going to remember touring this weird place with me when he's older. Maybe he'll think of it fondly, the way I think of visiting weird or unique places with my parents. I hope I can help him create some lasting memories, the kind you speak of with happiness (and not in a therapy session, though I'm sure he'll have some of those too because being a parent doesn't come with a manual and we're all screwing it up sometimes). 

What sorts of memories do you really want to make with your kids? Are there any special locations or experiences you really want them to have? Books you really want them to read? Music you'd love for them to listen to? Go out and make it happen, one experience at a time, and I'm going to try and do the same. 

--Sam 

I'm So Tired...

...I haven't slept a wink

I used to listen to the Beatles' song "I'm so tired" on repeat when I was up with Ben (3-7 times a night) for the first two years of his life. It was oddly comforting. 

I go through periods in my life where I experience fairly extreme fatigue. In fact, I don't think I've felt "well-rested" since before Y2K. Now is one of those periods. I've been so exhausted lately, it's hard to keep my eyes open even while I'm walking, and it takes real effort not to fall asleep in the middle of conversations. Hence why I missed a blog post last week, and have been MIA on Instagram.

Being this tired has me musing about how it can be so easy, particularly on Social Media, to pretend like life is really glamorous, and that we're all really successful and happy and awesome all of the time. Well, I just want to be honest with you all and say that, just like every other human on the planet, life is not always easy or glamorous in my experience. It's hard, messy, complicated, weird, beautiful, fierce, and delicate, all at once, and I don't always feel successful or happy even. It's a white-flag-waving kind of week (or month or whatever), the kind that makes you say "Enough! Enough!" and maybe cry a little (and maybe eat too much chocolate, I dunno, you do you), and so it's time to just be real. 

So, with that in mind, here I am. Life is not glamorous or easy, and I'm not feeling particularly successful right in this moment. I'm breaking out, I'm exhausted, my health is not amazing at the present time, and I feel vulnerable and on edge. 

Life isn't a perfect 280 characters on Twitter, it's not an amazingly curated snapshot on Instagram, it's not a well-liked post on Facebook; It just is what it is, and the best thing, I think, we can do for one another, besides the basics like being kind, not murdering people, and disavowing racists and nazis, is to be honest when things are hard instead of always feeling the need to pretend they're perfect. They're not perfect. I'm letting you off the hook, blog readers. My life isn't perfect, yours isn't either, and it's totally okay to be honest about that.  

Go forth, my friends, and let someone else off the hook today by being real, and imperfect. I bet they need it. 

--Sam 

Bad feelings are a feature, not a bug

Why positive thinking isn't always helpful or necessary

Anyone else get annoyed when someone tells you to "cheer up" when you're feeling down, or going through a rough time? 

Stop me if you've heard these ones before (or said them, we're not judging here): 

• "There's always a silver lining"
• "Everything happens for a reason"
• "It could always be worse"
• "Snap out of it" 
• "You'd feel better if you just exercised/meditated/did yoga/ate better/prayed/etc."

It can be frustrating to hear these things even if some of them may be kind of true, because it feels like the person saying them is minimizing whatever it is you're feeling. Whether that's grief, sadness, anxiety, illness, you name it. When the folks you love (or random people who talk to you at Target) tell you some version of "Think positively!" it can be hard not to roll your eyes or maybe cry a little because all you want is for someone to really get what you're going through, or at least give you the space you need to feel the f*ck out of your feelings. 

'Bad' feelings, like anger, sadness, anxiety, grief, etc. are all totally normal feelings, that serve an important purpose for human beings moving about in the world. One of the many important functions these feelings serve is as a contrast to what we think of as pleasant feelings like love, happiness, joy, and so on. You don't know how wonderful joy can be if you've never experienced sorrow. Negative feelings also allow us an important opportunity (should we choose to accept it) to really process what's going on in our heads and hearts, and work through some shit. Lord knows we all have some to work through. These feelings are a part of the human condition, not a hindrance to it. Stuffing those feelings down and pretending they don't exist, or someone asking you to do that, is not only unnecessary, but also unhelpful in the long run, and liable to backfire. 

So that's good news, but it's also a mixed bag (see me not putting a 100% positive spin on this?). It's a mixed bag because you can let yourself off the hook from basically just needing to pretend you're fine all the time (spoiler alert: you're not), but now what the heck are you supposed to do? You've been told since forever that to feel better, you needed to think positively, and eventually you'd be happier (magically, like you're a wizard). Sometimes it might have even worked. But if you know deep down it mostly doesn't work, and you're trying to be better about acknowledging and respecting your own feelings and working through them, now what are you supposed to do to feel better when you're having a tough time? 

Try gratitude and gentleness (with yourself). 

You know what's cool about being grateful? Gratitude doesn't require that you pretend everything is super great to be able to appreciate it. And no, you don't have to 'be grateful' for things like cancer (which should be a given but some people take even gratitude a bit too far), but you can choose small things to be grateful for, even on some pretty tough days. Sometimes it's just coffee. And sometimes it's that you have a roof over your head and a family who loves you. Sometimes it's how your dog always lets you snuggle with him and call him names other than his actual name. Could be anything. Start with just one thing, then see how many other things you can be grateful for. The nice thing about this approach is that there is no reason that bad feelings and gratitude can't co-exist! You can work through your not-so-great feels in your own time, while you give yourself the leeway to feel good about something. Something big, something small, doesn't matter. Gratitude helps to ground us when the bad seems to outweigh the good. While you're doing all that, be gentle with yourself, even when other people may not understand. Seek out those who are supportive of you and what you're going through.

And most importantly, don't let other people consciously or unconsciously bully you out of your feelings when they preach a 'positive thoughts only' approach. Negative feelings are part of the human experience as well (which is not always easy), and they're a feature, not a bug. 

--Sam

Come In From The Cold

Do you ever feel like a tourist in your own life? 

And not in a fun "Oh isn't my life exciting?!" kind of way. More like a feeling of maybe not quite fitting in, or just being on the outside looking in. 

I have a particular affinity for a Joni Mitchell song called "Come in From the Cold", and of course the lyrics are amazing, because Joni Mitchell is a ridiculously talented artist, but also because a chorus proclaiming "All I ever wanted was just to come in from the cold..." really speaks to me in a way I can't quite put my finger on. 

This vague 'outside looking in' feeling persists in most situations, and has, for most of my life. Feeling like a guest instead of at ease when visiting family in states I no longer call home. Not feeling queer enough in LGBTQ spaces because I'm married to a man and so it isn't apparently obvious that I'm not straight. Feeling a little out of place in the leadership team at my 9-5 work because I don't have a college degree, don't own a single power suit, and am not particularly good at networking. Feeling like an outsider in creative circles because I get nervous around large groups of people, particularly people I feel are considerably more talented and successful than I am, and so have a hard time not just reverting to quiet observation instead of interaction.

I don't know what makes that feeling go away. I thought it would be achieving some measure of success, so I would feel "legitimate", but, unless I just haven't hit the right level of success yet, I don't think that's it. So, if it's not success that makes imposter syndrome go away, then how does one overcome that uncomfortable feeling of not belonging? Asking for a friend. (Just kidding, all my friends have their shit together way more than I do, or at least are very confident in not having their shit together). 

I wish I knew what the magic combination of success, confidence, talent, and stick-to-itiveness is that makes one feel like they have a definitive right to take up space in circles they would be otherwise welcome in, save for their own inhibitions and fears. Since I don't have that recipe yet, I'm just taking it one step at a time. I'm attending regular creative entrepreneur meetings, I'm having fun with our photography clients and continually learning better ways to serve them, I'm attending Pride parades and equality marches, I'm doing my best at my daytime work to not feel like a fraud, though I draw the line at purchasing un-ironic power suits. And what else can one do really, besides keep moving forward? 

What do you do that helps you when imposter syndrome comes on strong or when you feel like an outsider? If you do nothing else, just remember that you're not alone. 

--Sam 

Some Days You Just Don't Have It

Like Today, For instance. 

Today I don't have it. To be honest, I didn't really have it yesterday either. I'm not 100% sure what it is, but likely, it's some combination of patience, energy to do things, and time to do them.

My celebration of Mother's Day was largely the receiving of the sweetest Mother's Day card known to mom-kind from my amazing kiddo, Ben, and then building a fort outside in the hammock using blankets and pillows and then snuggling in said fort for a ridiculously long portion of the day, shirking my responsibilities (like blog writing and laundry folding). I didn't have it that day either, and felt guilty about not doing much of anything, even though it was Mother's Day, and even though I finished editing a wedding for a wonderful couple!

The mother of a friend of Ben's messaged me the other day to apologize for missing Ben's birthday party. Her excuse? The had a house fire and are currently living in a hotel. A freaking house fire. And she's apologizing to me about missing Ben's birthday party. 

Women do this to themselves Every. Damn. Day. Every day, we feel guilty for not doing more, not being more, not having unlimited emotional and physical resources to give to our loved ones, our friends, or hell, even strangers. We exhaust ourselves with a laundry list of expectations (pun intended) and work ourselves practically to death, or at least to illness. Speaking of illness, we secretly don't mind getting sick because it's the only time we can rest at least a little guilt free (maybe). 

Recognizing this, I'd still be lying if I said I was going to stop. I'm probably not. And neither are you. But I can get a little more honest about it. Try to catch myself doing it a little more. Give myself a little more grace to have off days (yes days, plural). And I hope you will too. 

And I know this isn't the world's best blog post, but hey, some days you just don't have it. And that's okay. 

--Sam 

9 Things I'm Afraid Of

Admitting it is the first step... 

It's easy as a small business owner, a creative, a mom, and a woman to pretend like I have it all together. Some days I might even actually have it all together (or most of it). But other days... Other days it's all I can do to get dressed and not yell at anyone. Some days it's hard not to let my fears win. So, I'm stepping out on a limb here and guessing that many of you have felt the same way from time to time. Afraid, overwhelmed, frustrated. And I want you to know that you're not alone. I'll kick us off with 9 things I personally am really afraid of. 

1. Missing out on my son's childhood 

As any working parent knows, mom (or dad) guilt can creep in at any time, and the hours you spend working, or even desperately trying to catch up on some sleep, can make you feel guilty when you see how quickly your children are growing up. Let alone carving out personal self-care time (ha!). The advice I've been trying to give myself, and that I'll give you here, is to take a deep breath. Recognize that you're doing the best you can. Make little efforts to be more present with your children when you are spending time with them, and that's what they'll remember. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself anyway. 

2. Never being good enough

Admittedly, I have classic over-achiever syndrome, which has led me to some really significant accomplishments but also some really neurotic thinking about what "good enough" really means. (Hint: It doesn't mean perfect, even though sometimes that's how it feels.) I have a tendency to never view anything I do as good enough, and that leads me into my next fear...

3. Being Unlovable

There, I said it. Unlovable. That's probably one of my biggest fears right there, maybe at the root of all my other ones to be honest. This fear presents itself in the worry that if I'm not perfect (and of course, no one is), that I won't be lovable. That's it's not who I am that matters, but what I do. This type of thinking is a slippery slope, because if to be loved, one has to be perfect, then  that means there's no hope of being loved. Now, I know that isn't really true, and that feelings aren't facts, but that's a mighty big feeling to just ignore, and it's something I work on constantly. 

4. That I won't be taken seriously as a creative business owner because I still have a full-time job 

This is a tough one. I love my job! I work for an employee-owned benefits administration company that has a strong female leadership team, and a great atmosphere. I have 14 people that work directly for me, and I really appreciate them, and love the opportunity to help them develop professionally! But there's a big stigma for small business owners that you haven't "made it" until you've quit your day job to do your creative pursuits full-time. And honestly, I have bought into that lie in the past, and still do sometimes. But, what that stigma doesn't take into account is the unique circumstances we all find ourselves in. A person might love their creative career as an outlet, but need a more steady income than it can provide on it's own. Why shouldn't they do both? Another creative business owner might have a strong passion for both their day job and their creative work, and if that's the case, why should they have to limit themselves? I used to hide the fact that I had a full-time job and I'm super done with that. I'm going to try to normalize and de-stigmatize creatives who do more than one thing, because if anyone can pull that off, it's small business owners who know how to get creative with their time! 

5. That I won't be able to stop obsessing about my weight 

I have struggled with weight for as long as I can remember, and while I exercise more regularly, and eat more healthily, than I ever have in my life, I'm at one of my highest adult weights right now. I don't hold these types of unrealistic standards for other people, but going back to that 'never good enough' fear, I feel like not being able to lose weight is an outward expression of me failing at... something? Not exercising hard enough or often enough (even though I'm very consistent). Not restricting myself enough (I live in Wisconsin for goodness sake! Do you know how much cheese there is here?!) And while I have struggled with this, and will likely continue to struggle with it, I've been really trying to remind myself that a life well-lived is worth more than a number on the scale. I exercise, I eat healthily most of the time, and I can still enjoy a brownie or a beer and the world isn't going to end. And the world isn't going to end if I can't fit into those jeans again. And on the flip side, my life isn't going to suddenly start just because I lose weight. My life is now, and I'll enjoy it whatever size I am, and hope that my friends and family love me unconditionally enough to support that stance. 

6. Failure

I get it. Most of us are afraid of failure. I mean, it's FAILURE, of course it's scary. I'm afraid that maybe I'm not actually good at anything or maybe I'm not cut out to be a small business owner or a manager or <insert whatever thing I'm currently worried about> and the list goes on and on and on. I don't really have any words of wisdom other than failing doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you unworthy. And if I do fail (as I sometimes will), it's the fact that I can learn from that and move forward that is important, not avoiding failure in the first place, which, as we all well know, isn't always possible. 

7. Success

Yeah, I know. Seems weird to be afraid of success when you're really worried about failure, but hear me out. What if I'm successful and then more people are counting on me and then I mess up?! What if I'm successful and it turns out that all those times I failed before were because I wasn't trying hard enough or I wasn't perfect or because I ate that second (okay, third) cookie. What then? Well... Who cares. It's fine. I'll be as successful as I can be, and accept failure graciously when it happens (probably with some crying because that's how I roll), and then move on about my day. It's the only thing to do really. 

8. That I will witness or experience something completely wacky and that no one will believe me

Okay, this is a silly fear, admittedly, but seriously! Hasn't anyone else ever worried about this? It used to keep me up at night as a teenager worrying that something really weird would happen, I'd tell someone about it, and they'd have me locked up because they thought I was crazy. This is still an irrational fear that plagues me from time to time, and I just have to acknowledge it, and let it pass, and kind of chuckle at myself for being a little silly. 

9. That people will find out I'm a fraud 

Impostor Syndrome; The struggle is real. I feel like a kid who is playing dress-up like 90% of the time. I didn't feel like a real adult when I started my business or had my kid or bought my house or got a divorce or got a 'real' job or got remarried or any of those things. Which means I'm starting to think there isn't anything I'm going to be able to do to feel legit anytime soon. I constantly worry about people thinking I'm a fraud or that I don't belong <insert some place I totally do probably belong>.  So, since I'm not likely to stop feeling like a fraud or an outsider, the least I can do is be myself, even if I'm sometimes kind of immature, sometimes kind of an old lady (8 PM bedtime anyone?) and sometimes just a weird, goofy person. If I'm as authentic as possible, and people still don't like or respect me, at least they don't like and respect the real me, and I can live with that. 

So there, friends. Those are 9 of my biggest fears, some silly, some not, but all a big part of who I am. Be brave today and share one of your fears in the comments section. *solidarity* 

--Sam 

Love Letters

There are as many kinds of love letters as there are loves...

I've never been particularly good with words (sorry blog readers), but if I've learned anything at all in my 32 years, it's that there are a million ways to show someone you love them. Sure, sometimes it's not a physical letter, but that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

• Slipping a note into your Mom's lunch box before she leaves for her 3rd shift job
• Writing I love you in the ice on a car windshield in the middle of Winter (or Spring, if you're in WI)
• Doing dishes and cooking dinner for your husband or wife because they've had a terrible day
• Holding your infant son while he cries and rocking him back to sleep 
• Telling someone you adore them, because you haven't worked up the courage to use the 'L' word 
• Being there for a friend when they need it most 
• Grocery shopping for your Dad while he's recovering from surgery
• Spending days on your wedding vows so that they're perfect 

In my personal life, words aren't my strongest skill, and it seems the more I care about something (or someone) the harder a time I have articulating the things I'm trying to say. If you've ever received an email or text from me that seemed super well put together and you swear that the above sentence isn't true, let me assure you that you didn't see the 17 message drafts I made before the one I sent you! When I struggle to find the best, most perfect words, I wistfully think about how much easier I find it to express  myself with imagery. I actually don't photograph my son, Ben, or husband, Adam, all that often (well, I'm sure they think it's a lot), but when I do, I find myself just in awe of every detail. I'm fascinated by their them-ness. I LOVE photographing Ben and Adam, and while those photographs are a little different than what I provide to my clients (mostly because I give Ben and Adam absolutely no direction and they're both definitely over having their picture taken), I adore them just the same. When I edit family photos, it's like I'm able to commit every line, every freckle, every eyelash to memory, and there have been times it has brought me to tears of joy. 

So on this Valentine's day, I'll leave you with two things: 

First, tell your family and friends you love them. Tell them in a million little and big ways every day that you care about them, and that you're there for them, and what they mean to you. 

Second, I humbly present a little love letter to my family, taken during our annual Fall Family Fun trip to Schuster's Farm. I love these two dudes so much it's ridiculous. 

Happy Valentine's Day! 

--Sam 

What Comfort Zone?

I can't even see my comfort zone from here! 

Something I've really been working on over the past year has been stepping outside of my comfort zone and reaching out to other people more (you know, people that don't live in the same house as I do). I have a tendency to isolate, especially in winter, and as we've continued along our entrepreneurial journey, I've definitely recognized my own need to spend more time with other creatives, entrepreneurs, and like-minded folks, outside of my normal social circles. 

Everyone has their super-outside-of-my-comfort-zone-but-really-good-for-me thing, right? Mine is that I know I should reach out to other people more. I know it energizes me helps get my creative juices flowing again when I'm in a slump. I know that it helps me feel less alone, because being an entrepreneur can feel lonely sometimes, even when you still have a day job. And yet... 

Reasons why I put off making new creative friends

• Making new friends as an adult is hard
• It's easy to convince myself I'm too busy (been there, right?) 
• I feel guilty for taking time to socialize when I have so much stuff to do (see above)
• It's easier to never reach out than it is to risk the rejection of putting yourself out there
• It can sometimes be hard to remember the #CommunityOverCompetition mindset
• Creating and maintaining friendships, professional or otherwise, takes work 

Reasons why I should ignore the list above 

• Spending time with other creative or entrepreneurial people makes me feel creative and happier 
• The sense of community I get from spending time with other small business owners is AMAZING
• My husband and child are probably tired of me hanging around the house all the time 
• Never underestimate the healing power of a good, creative conversation over a cup of coffee (or a Margarita)

So what am I doing about it? 

• Whenever I think to myself "I bet that person is really fun to hang out with!" I actually ask them to hang out! 
• I've started attending the Rising Tide Society's Tuesdays Together meetings on a monthly basis to network with other entrepreneurs at all stages of business development
• I've joined several closed Facebook groups for photographers and other creative business owners to have a sense of community 
• I signed up for a photographers retreat in April that I am super excited about! There is going to be yoga and headshots and collaborative styled sessions and I can't wait! 

So now you know where my comfort zone is, and what I'm doing to get out of it every once in a while! What is your super-outside-of-my-comfort-zone-but-really-good-for-me thing, and what are you doing to challenge yourself? 

--Sam 

Balancing Acts

I want to let you all in on a little secret... Are you ready? You're going to be shocked...

I'm a little bit of a workaholic. Okay, a lot of a workaholic. During 6+ months out of the year, I work 80+ hours per week. I've read all the articles on why self-care and not overworking yourself to death are so important. I've read these articles, and nodded at the sage-like advice, and even handed out that same advice on occasion, but yeah, I have a difficult time putting the concept of 'balance' into play in my own life. It is hard for me to give up control in my business, so I try to do it all, and because I love what I do, I also have a hard time putting work down even when I know I should. Can anyone relate? 

I'm going to start making some small changes though, and I wondered if any of you would like to join me? Loosen your grip on your laptop just a little bit (white knuckles, anyone?) and take a step back to evaluate, big picture, what you need in your life to stay healthy, productive, and sane.

Here are some things I'm personally going to try in the next month: 

Pick three things to outsource or delegate

It can be a conference call you don't need to be a part of at work, or outsourcing an aspect of your business that feels like a chore to you but is someone else's passion (accounting for instance), or it can be something as simple as asking your family for help around the house. You are amazing, but you are not literally the only person on the planet who can do all the things that you do. Find some things that someone else can help with, take a big gulp, and ask for help, or call in reinforcements in the form of outsourcing items that don't need to be on your plate alone! 

Do one nice thing for yourself every week

This can be hard. If you're like me, you may actually feel real guilt over doing nice things for yourself, if those things don't directly benefit others, but we can try re-frame that feeling. Our culture glorifies workaholic tendencies, but what if you could show  your kids, your friends, your employees a different, more balanced path? What if by doing something nice for yourself, and taking time for you on a regular basis, with no other goal in mind than self-care, you were actually partaking in a revolutionary act of shifting our culture, one bath at a time, from "you can rest when you're dead" to "regular rest and rejuvenation make the world a better place"? Just think about it, preferably while sipping a glass of wine in a bubble bath. 

just say no

We hear a lot of 'Just say yes' talk. It's super trendy lately. And I'm all for that, when what you're saying  yes to is more quality time with loved ones, more experiences, and more adventure, but perhaps this philosophy doesn't serve us as well when what we're saying yes to is actually more busy work, more sleep deprivation, and more obligations that don't fulfill us or serve an important purpose in our lives. So... maybe for a month, or even just a week, try saying a polite 'No thanks' to things that don't spark your interest or to things that you'd only be doing out of guilt. See what happens in this space? Maybe you'll have more breathing room for something that does spark your interest to come along. Or maybe you'll have more time to simply be, which is also really nice, and let's face it, when was the last time you just chilled out, sans phone, or computer screen, or someone else in the room? Can't remember? Same here, which is why maybe this is a good thing to practice. 

I'm going to do my best to try each of these things over the next month, and I'd love for you to join me! Tell me what works for you! What was successful? How do you step away from work and care for yourself? You just may share a tip that works magic in someone else's life. 

--Sam 

How We Became Wedding Photographers

Everyone has to get started somewhere, right?

We got our start in wedding photography almost by accident back in 2002, and let me tell you, it's been quite a ride since then! We thought it would be fun to tell you the story of how we fell into Wedding Photography all those years ago, and started our journey to being Real Life Wedding Photographers 14 years later! 

It all started with a phone call.

Rob and I were hanging out at a friend's house, and her daughter, Westen, was on the phone with an unnamed person, when we overheard the phrase

"Don't worry, Rob will take care of it." 

When we inquired what it was Rob might be taking care of, Westen informed us of three vital pieces of information, that ended up altering the course of our lives forever: 

1. She was getting married (We didn't even know she was seeing anyone!) 
2. The wedding was in 1 month (Whoa!) 
3. Rob and I were going to photograph it (What?!) 

Now Rob and I love photography, and have for as long as we can remember. I took more Polaroids during that period of my life than I can count (probably the reason I didn't have a savings account at the time, remember how expensive those were?!) and Rob had permanently borrowed a Canon film camera (film, ya'll) from his parents and was having a great time learning the ins and outs of 35mm. But we weren't photographers! We were two poor, college-age kids who owned a couple cameras and kind of sort of knew what to do with them, when the subjects were neat leaves and spooky graveyards and cats, not when the subjects were people! And someone's wedding day? No way! Too much pressure! 

So, naturally, we said no. No thanks, you'll need to hire a professional. Too scary, pass.

Clearly, this is not where our story ends. 

Westen pointed out that with less than 2 months to go, they would never be able to find another photographer, that we'd do fine, and that she wouldn't take no for an answer. So, with a generous helping of trepidation, we started planning to photograph our first wedding. 

The wedding day quickly came, Westen and Mark and their family and friends showed up in their finest, and we showed up armed with our two canon film cameras, a boat load of Kodak T-max film canisters, and crossed fingers. 

And wouldn't you know it, we made it through. No one died. Nothing exploded. And it was fun! Now, let's be real here, the pictures weren't great. I mean, we had no idea what we were doing! But if there is one thing we came out of that wedding with (besides a TON of film to develop) it was the realization that this wedding photography thing was pretty cool! 

Before we knew it, Westen and Mark began recommending us to people (bless their hearts), and after that, the rest is history. We went from photographing one wedding under duress to actually wanting to book weddings and to celebrate with couples! We found so much joy in telling the love stories our clients were kind enough to share with us. Along the way, we got better at photography, learned new skills, gained more experience, and eventually stopped feeling like frauds most of the time (impostor syndrome, the struggle is real)! 

When I look back on those photos from our very first wedding, sure I cringe a little because wow, are we a lot better at this now, but I also look at the photos with so much gratefulness that Westen and Mark gave us a chance, believed in us, and in doing so, changed our lives for the better. They were the first couple to share their love story with us, and invite us to be a part of their day, and we will be forever grateful for that opportunity, and for every love story we've been lucky enough to tell since.  

-- Sam